


A Touch of Kvass

by grayspider1974



Series: Ivar's World [14]
Category: Vikings - Fandom
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-12
Updated: 2019-06-12
Packaged: 2020-05-02 06:11:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19193314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grayspider1974/pseuds/grayspider1974
Summary: In which Ivar's attempt to make Slavic homebrew results in an explosion.





	A Touch of Kvass

**Author's Note:**

> Kvass is Slavic home made beer that you can find recipes for on Youtube (e.g:Life of Boris) but under certain conditions it produces too much carbon dioxide gas as it ferments and may explode. Also, "Ticket to Ride" was supposed to be part of my Ivar's world series, but somehow I forgot to add it. As Ivar's World is starting to develop an a plot of sorts you might want to read it too!

Helga had taught Ivar to make "real" bread when he was a child...dense sourdough rye that resembled a curling rock and could be used in a pinch as a doorstop or a projectile weapon and tasted nothing at all like store-brought bread. The ends of this he singed, crumbled, mixed with filtered water, sliced lemons, raisins and boiled into a nasty brown soup and the next day he strained this and added yeast and sugar and poured into bottles that lurked in the cupboard over the stove for two or three days before consumption. The end result of this fairly simple experiment with fermentation was Kvass...a primitive, cloudy sort of home made beer that tasted better than it looked. Ivar was greatly annoyed when he was woken out of a sound sleep by a loud crash, because if he hadn't chased off the rats and Hvitserk's last girlfriend a month ago he would have thought either Magrethe or the rats were messing about with his larder, and one of the many things that annoyed Ivar was his brother giving money to Magrethe and letting her rummage about in their larder. Ivar wrestled out of his duvet, slithered onto the floor and crawled down the hall because doing so was easier than putting his leg braces on. He checked his brother's room, where Hvitserk appeared to be still asleep, along with some girl who was not Magrethe because she was clearly a brunette, and was probably some random coochie that Hvitserk had picked up somewhere. Ivar could smell sex from across the room and had a fairly good idea of the sort of sordid debauchery that had taken place the night before. They had tried to be quiet and he had pounded on the wall and yelled for a bit and then put his earphones on and watched The Last Kingdom until they finally gave it a rest. However, the true horror was in the kitchen, which now smelled like a brewery and was strewn with broken glass.  
"What in the Nine Worlds?" Ivar wondered, as he saw the kvass that he had prepared two days ago dripping down over the stove, and the neat round hole that had been punched in the top of the cupboard. The cork and the wire mechanism that would have held it in place were lodged in the ceiling. "OH, SWEET FRIG!"  
Hvitserk bounded out of his room, followed by Random Coochie, who at least had had the decency to put on her panties and one of Hvitserk's shirts. "What happened?" he asked.  
"It appears our Slav beer went Chernobyl," said Ivar. "The appropriate thing to say in such a situation is 'blyat!'"


End file.
